What type of privacy do you deserve in public?
For example, if you are sitting with a group of people in a restaurant, or at a sporting event, and you are talking loudly with your friends… do you get or deserve privacy?
This is an interesting question because I believe many of us are very guilty about listening in to other conversations. In fact often we actively try not to, but unfortunately some people can be SO LOUD you can not NOT listen to them.
While sometimes it can be obnoxious, I unfortunately learn a lot about people when I listen. In general I try not to judge an individual’s actions as much as I notice group’s thoughts. I also know people will at some times “agree” with group think, just to head home with an immense amount of opinionated judgment.
The thing about individuals is we are all different, and using one individual’s thoughts alone does not give you a good judgment of how groups of people think. There are individuals who have just about every possible thought imaginable.
But when you hear groups of people talking about similar things multiple times in multiple places, that gives you some real insight into how larger groups of people think and behave. Therefore my daughter’s sporting events, practices, doctors appointments, checkout lines, sporting events, and many other similar things become great places for opportunistic research.
While the statisticians among you will probably point out the fact that this type of “research” surely isn’t going to stand up to statistical sampling scrutiny, it does offer a great source of information, potential hypotheses, and case studies. They also serve to challenge any presented hypothesis that most people are “doing it right”.
I wish I could stop these conversations and say “Do you realize what you’re saying? Do you realize what this means for your family?”
I also wish I could say “I’m writing about you RIGHT NOW on my blog, you might want to check it out when you’re done”
And I’m not referring to the many conversations about less savory personal details questionable fashion decisions… I’m referring to the plethora of statements talking about “Cost” and “Buying” and “Affording”.
I’m amazed at how often these type of statements come up. In fact I don’t know if most people would have any idea how much they even discuss it. The fact of the matter is that while many people seem to suggest it’s not appropriate to “discuss” finance with friends (which is silly by the way- how else do you learn?), they subconsciously talk about it for hours upon hours a day to many many people. Every time they say “I can’t afford”, “I want to buy”, or “It Cost” you are talking about finance. Complaining that you can’t afford a $20 Leotard and less than 10 seconds later talk about how you got a great deal on a $130 Coach Purse? What is it?
If we are spending hours a day talking to our friends about money and finance… what’s smart to buy, what’s not, what great deals we got and what we have to overpay on, what coupons we found, and how we save, 2nd mortgages, store credits, credit cards, buying cars… all this information… all things that really speak to the negative drawbacks of consumerism, how do we claim talking about doing GOOD things with our money is not a safe topic for friends or public discussion?
The thought process here is ludicrous. We send messages to each other daily… sometimes by the minute. We reinforce to our friends and neighbors that debt is good. Consumerism is good. Spending money we don’t have is good. Buy buy buy. Borrow borrow borrow. Ruin your life. Destroy your kids. Yes this is good, acceptable conversation, but being smart, savvy, protecting our kids, our families, and our society isn’t appropriate?
Please.
We talk about buying because we can’t help ourselves. We see things we want, we lust for things we can’t have, and we can’t stop ourselves from buying. We look to our social interactions to make this OK, to make us feel better about the dumb things we are doing and the hole we are digging.
I was reading a thread on biggerpockets.com , a great resource if you are into real estate, and the question was discussed: “Do you tell your coworkers about your real estate?”. I was surprised how many people said “no”. I made the argument that you should. We have a duty and responsible to help each other, not continually tear each other down by reinforcing bad habits.
There’s not going to be a movement, but do your friends a favor. Talk about the cool smart things you do. Talk about how you save. Talk about how your preparing for the future and generating wealth. Then when they see you living the life they wish they had, it won’t be “luck”, it’ll be because of what you’ve been talking about all along.
It’s not about looking down on people and being judgmental. Don’t look down at people who don’t think like you, but don’t isolate yourself either. I can’t tell you how many people have told me they have shifted their behavior because of me. How many people have told you they started saving, started a business, bought real estate, saved in a 401K or IRA, or did other positive financial moves because of you?
And how many people do you know that bought a purse, bought shoes, tried a restaurant, or bought something else you recommended?
I’ll tell you right now, the most successful people I know have conversations with me regularly about finance, wealth, and money. Most of these people are “uncomfortable” having these conversations with the less successful. Which part of that is causal? How much of this is because many people don’t understand?
Be a positive influence on those around you. You owe it to yourself and to them.